Today’s Musing: The Path
Sometimes the hardest journeys teach us the most.
I’m in a season and I don’t know how much longer I’ll have to be in it. But one thing I’ve learned in this season is the ability to be genuinely happy for others even when my life is in shambles. There’s so much in the season to be happy for for others, and sometimes I wonder where I get that ability from (I mean, I know it’s from the Lord) but still, I marvel at the strength that I display every time there’s good news for others and none for me. Right now, it feels like everything is working for others, but I have to remind myself that I do not know the struggle or the war that brought these people to where they are right now, and even if there wasn’t any, I’m not God to dictate who deserves to have good things or not.
It’s heart-wrenching when I sit and count my “losses” — come to think of it, they’re not necessarily losses when God is involved — and discover that truly, I’m in the trenches. Amidst all this pain, I’ve seen myself grow in ways that I didn’t think I could. Just when I think I can’t get through another day of rejection, I find myself moving forward. My hope and faith are really thin, and sometimes I find myself forcing myself to give up, but then the unexpected happens — and there’s this glimmer of hope, this atmosphere of peace, the feeling that I can achieve anything.
In all of this, I pray earnestly to not die of a broken heart. I cry, wail to God, explain my situation to Him, make Him understand my predicament, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. But I recently realized that perhaps in the silence, therein lies the answer. Maybe He wants me to keep pushing. Maybe He’s preparing me for something greater. Maybe He’s teaching me that fruit of the Spirit I’ve been praying to have — patience, longsuffering. Maybe He’s training me to trust in Him yet again, to hold on to Him and never let go.
Whatever He’s doing, I hope I don’t lose track of the lessons in the pain, of the oil in the pressing, of the beauty in the pruning. I pray He steadies my heart.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) That promise is what steadies me.
Anyhoos, I’m currently listening to Todd Dulaney’s No Weapon as I wrote this piece (ps: it was impressed on my heart to write my struggles for the world to see today. I’ve been avoiding being this vulnerable on the internet, but here goes nothing).
Thanks for reading. If you’re walking through your own hard season, know you’re not alone.